Highthreat Philosopher - Friday, July 1st, 2011 - 12:17 AM
So i know a girl that is on the edge. Her life is pretty fucked up and she just wants her friends to be there for her. What do most of them do? Not only do they troll her day in and day out, they don't offer any comfort whatsoever. She cant even bring herself to delete them because she refuses to let them "win". This girl, a good GOOD friend of mine might end up killing herself, or drinking heavily or using narcotics just to feel better, yet these fuckfaces don't care they just want their cheap laughs. Can anyone explain why they are like that? Maybe something i can do to help her? Thankyou
No. 19353 - Cain - July 1st, 2011 - 8:59 PM
How old are you guys?
Do they understand that it is really is a problem and not just a cry for attention?
To help her, tell her to consider the source of the insults. Tell her not to take insults seriously unless she holds them in a high regard/trusts them. Make sure that she understands not to take it personally.
As for the friends, either they are not friends, incredibly immature, or simply trolling IRL... Which I regret to admit I have done to several of my friends when it was completely inappropriate regarding the situation. ( I had no idea of the implications or current situation at that time) So you might take them aside and tell them calmly and seriously the danger that they are putting her in. Stay calm and don't use language, no matter how much you want to.
Hope this helps a little bit!
No. 19355 - Zebus Vampire - July 1st, 2011 - 10:00 PM
2nd the first question. How old are you?
Also I'd tell you exactly why. Humanity is a wretched race. The only thing humans delight in more than killing each other is causing each other pain. Pessimistic worldview? Maybe, but for the most part it's true. Cain hit it on the head, as for her 'friends' they aren't. Tell her that her worth isn't that to be judged by anyone else. Letting them go isn't letting them 'win'. I'm not sure how you convince them otherwise.
No. 19358 - Highthreat - July 2nd, 2011 - 8:46 PM
I tell her all those things and it doesnt even help =/ and we are both seniors in high school. She isnt just doing this for attention either
No. 19360 - Cain - July 2nd, 2011 - 10:51 PM
I didn't assume it was.
Anyway, there's really nothing else you can do to help. She must make up her mind to overcome it on her own. She must realize it's not going to effect her in the long run. etc. etc. Help her take a step back and look at life. What is happening now is very minuscule in the long run. Ask her if it is going to effect her 10 years from now. It won't unless she lets it run her life. Learning to deal with tough things is a part of life, it helps you grow in multiple ways. In the end it is her decision: either take a step back and see it for what it is, (a short term problem that hurts, but can be dealt with) or choose to let it control her life.
Just be sure to be there for her if she needs you.
No. 19361 - Zebus Vampire - July 3rd, 2011 - 12:14 PM
Agree as before. We all know highschool blows, but trust people who know. Even a year after your out nobody will care anymore, very likely you won't even be in contact with anyone you went to highschool with. I graduated in a class of over 180 but out of that I have semi-regular contact with one single person I graduated with. It seems like SERIOUS BUSINESS, but it isn't. You've basically done all you can do. Other than making other people aware to watch her and preven her from doing something rash like actually hurting herself there isn't much you can do really.
No. 19365 - Highthreat - July 4th, 2011 - 3:54 AM
Im going to use the step back approach. Thanks for being so helpful everyone!
No. 19366 - Highthreat - July 4th, 2011 - 12:57 PM
SO, i confronted her about her problems, and she has blocked me and alienated me from our group of friends... done with teenagers
No. 19367 - Luinbariel - July 4th, 2011 - 3:11 PM
I thought you said you were going to take the step back approach?
What did you say?
In the end I guess all you can do is, if you still care, be there to help her pick up the pieces once the time comes, and since no one else will.
No. 19368 - Zebus Vampire - July 4th, 2011 - 8:19 PM
No. 19370 - Highthreat - July 5th, 2011 - 2:03 AM
I know what i said resonated with her at least. I told her that alcohol and drugs make a good time better not a bad time good. And that she is just ruining herself and the people that care about her noticed it and want her to stop. Hopefully that comment i gave her will resonate enough to take effect
No. 19371 - Highthreat - July 5th, 2011 - 2:04 AM
And yeah, i was gonna step back, but i just cant fucking watch someone destroy themselves. Seen it enough in my family and i don't want to see it again.
No. 19372 - Cain - July 5th, 2011 - 3:25 AM
No. 19373 - Cain - July 5th, 2011 - 3:37 AM
The reason I suggested that approach is because it's what made me quit drinking. When you are attempting to help a person who is going through this sort of problem, you don't want to preach at them. That doesn't work, and it doesn't help in the least. You want to be able to show the person that the way they have chosen to deal with it is not a long term solution. Not judge them based on how they are doing it. (I know that you aren't, but that is most likely the way you came across because of her initial reaction.)
No. 19374 - Highthreat - July 5th, 2011 - 5:31 AM
Idfk how she felt, but whats done is done i suppose > . > thanks for trying to give my thick head advice cain and everyone